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redbeggar
01 August 2009 @ 12:41 pm
Nine weeks of lollerskaterfication reveals the following:

1. Apache
2. Samurai
3. Spartan
4. Pirate
5. Mafia
6. Spetznaz
7. Shaolin Monk
8. William Wallace
9. IRA

So, a cookie with a bit out of it to Malike for being pretty close!

As a bonus, here is the Knight vs. Pirate fight in all its dubious glory:



 
 
redbeggar
29 July 2009 @ 02:27 pm
The Deadliest Warrior

So, I picked up on this show from Charlie Brooker's You Have Been Watching comedy quiz on Channel 4. It blew me away with its awfulness and I had to see it. Every week, two warriors from history are pitted against each other to see who would win, using a range of their own unique weaponry and skills.

On the one hand, it's fascinating to see how these weapons chop through bio gel humans and dead pigs, on the other, it's hilarious and awful to watch the warrior's respective 'experts' literally nerd rage over stuff. Then, when everything is tested, they feed the results into Excel and some game engine developed from D20 rules or god knows what and run 1000 battles to determine the winner. Once this is achieved, you get to watch a eye wateringly bad battle between the combatants. I mean seriously, at the start of the Spartan vs. Ninja fight, the ninja creeps up behind the spartan, and you're thinking, "well, poison dart to the armpit, game over." But no! The ninja practically shouted BOO! at the spartan. The pirate episode was especially amusing, as the re-enactments basically consisted of men in wigs and frills shouting "yarrrr" at each other. And I'm pretty sure one of the knights was wearing a saucepan, not a helmet.

Episode 1 - Apache vs. Gladiator.
Episode 2 - Viking vs. Samurai.
Episode 3 - Spartan vs. Ninja.
Episode 4 - Knight vs. Pirate. (I shit you not)
Episode 5 - Mafia vs. Yakuza.
Episode 6 - Green Beret vs. Spetznaz.
Episode 7 - Shaolin Monk vs. Maori.
Episode 8 - William Wallace vs. Shaka Zulu (getting personal this time)

and..

my word.

the finale.

Episode 9 - Taliban vs. IRA (wtfbbq x_x)

So yeah, a cookie if you can guess each episode's winner!
 
 
Current Music: Jane's Addiction - Just Because
 
 
redbeggar
27 March 2009 @ 09:57 am
O_O  
Bunnies vs. Camels!

 
 
 
 
 
redbeggar
08 February 2009 @ 02:45 pm
1. First Blood - "You don't seem to want to accept the fact you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke." sciry

The first Rambo film, often over-looked because of the sequels. It's a really good film. It's not about a high body count, in fact Rambo doesn't kill anyone.

2. Star Trek II The Wrath Of Khan - "He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round Perdition's flames before I give him up!"

Trek doesn't get any better than this. If only Nick Meyer made all of them, instead of just 2 and 6. Woe ;_;

3. The Good, The Bad & The Ugly - "You want to know who you are? Huh? You want to know who's son you are? You don't, I do, everybody does... you're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you."

Just awesome, so many great moments and three wonderful characters.

4. The Big Lebowski - "Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!"

Always makes me smile, again, great characters.

5. Reservoir Dogs - "I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job." gonne

Tarantino writes great dialogue, it has rhythm, and is believable, without being boring.

6. Dirty Harry - "When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!"

An iconic character. The first film is probably the best. The actor who played Scorpio, the film's analogue of the real life Zodiac murderer, would perhaps be better known to people as Garak from Deep Space Nine, or the father from Hellraiser.

7. Gekitotsu! Satsujin ken - Sonny Chiba's Streetfighter - "Tell that bitch who sent you how sorry I am I can no longer be her friend."

This was my really tricky one. My Chiba appreciation began with Christian Slater's character in the film True Romance.

8. Robocop - "Nobody ever takes me seriously! We'll get serious now... and kiss the mayor's ass goodbye!"

Verhoeven's finest moment. Like a number of films on this list, it spawned dodgy sequels.

9. Lethal Weapon - "You think I'm crazy? You call me crazy, you think I'm crazy? You wanna see crazy?"

Mel Gibson here still in Mad max mode before he made it really big in Hollywood. His fight at the end with Gary Busey is pure gold.

10. Commando - "You guys eat too much red meat!"

So many quotable lines from this, possibly the definitive action flick of the 80's

11. Silence of the Lambs - "I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye." gonne

I'm possibly one of the few people in the world that wanted the original ending from the Hannibal novel in the film, kudos to Thomas Harris for driving everyone nuts.

12. Rocky - "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!"

Always uplifting! Stallone wrote this in a day and won an oscar for it.

13. Blade Runner - "All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain..." malike

Never an easy watch, like most Ridley Scott films, but just gets better with age, the HD version released recently is a visual feast.

14. The Devil Rides Out - "I know Rex. The Angel of Death was summoned. He cannot return empty-handed."

The greatest horror film, always loved it.

15. Total Recall - "Howdy, stranger! If things have gone wrong, I'm talking to myself, and YOU'VE got a wet towel wrapped around your head." gonne

It hasn't aged well, but it's still very good. The ancient alien stuff on Mars fires the imagination.

I hereby declare gonne the winner!
 
 
redbeggar
30 January 2009 @ 02:09 pm
Here are fifteen from me:

1. "You don't seem to want to accept the fact you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke."First Blood sciry


2. "He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round Perdition's flames before I give him up!"

3. "You want to know who you are? Huh? You want to know who's son you are? You don't, I do, everybody does... you're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you."

4. "Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!"

5. "I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job."Reservoir Dogs gonne

6. "When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!"

7. "Tell that bitch who sent you how sorry I am I can no longer be her friend."

8. "Nobody ever takes me seriously! We'll get serious now... and kiss the mayor's ass goodbye!"

9. "You think I'm crazy? You call me crazy, you think I'm crazy? You wanna see crazy?"

10. "You guys eat too much red meat!"

11. "I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye."Silence of the Lambs gonne

12. "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!"

13. "All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain..."Blade Runner malike

14. "I know Rex. The Angel of Death was summoned. He cannot return empty-handed."

15. "Howdy, stranger! If things have gone wrong, I'm talking to myself, and YOU'VE got a wet towel wrapped around your head." Total Recall
gonne
 
 
redbeggar
11 January 2009 @ 01:00 am
6.30 pm.

Naturally, we're first to arrive.

There is of course, this rule of party attendance, that arriving first is somehow really bad and not the done thing. We watch the end of the football and drink beer. Dad complains that they're always late.

7.30 pm.

Dad starts to get antsy. His wife asks whether he should phone his brother to find out what's going on. Dad is not a big fan of the telephone. And then suddenly, the rest of the family arrive together. Clearly there was pre-meditation involved here.

A woman wafts up to me.

Her: "Hello again, remember me? We met five years ago."
Me: "Umm.. we did?" I vaguely recognise her.
Her: "Yes, it was your dad's 65th. We got really drunk."
Me: "Oh right!" I smile. Right, it's my cousins' girlfriend. I guess I could've said, "well, the last few years have been a bit of a blur to be honest, I've mostly spent them in places from Molten Core to Karazhan and all points in between." But wait! Five years was pre-WoW! Can you imagine such a thing.

8 pm - 10 pm.

There is lots of food in the kitchen, so my wife and I decide to hide there. My older cousin has brought her two children. They have 'issues'. One has been on ritalin or some such thing for most of his life. It's bothersome, but fortunately they're quite occupied by my dad's computer. I watch them jealously. Small talk with people I hardly know is not my thing. My youngest cousin seeks me out in the kitchen, he desperately wants to talk, and he's a bit like me, so we get on, after a fashion.

10.30 pm.

My elder cousin decides it's time to take the kids home. Relief. She has to kiss and hug everyone, which my wife always hates. But we can re-join the party. One of dad's favourite pastimes is teasing his youngest brother, who we all know as the family 'lefty'. I drink more beer and stare longingly at the door.

11.30 pm.

It's time for home. We say farewell and bundle the dogs into the car. It's damn cold outside, but home beckons. As we drive off, my wife says, "I couldn't take my eyes off your cousin's girlfriend all night. MY GOD she's ugly. What is he doing with her?! And did you hear, she's pregnant! She looks like a witch!!"

I'm terrible, because all I wanted to say was "LOL".
 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Duffy: Warwick Avenue
 
 
redbeggar
06 November 2008 @ 09:30 am
Last night (or this morning) I dreamed that the fox from the FoxyBingo.com ads performed the Jeremy Kyle Show theme via the medium of experimental dance.

Also. I saw an episode of DS9 last night where Quark got married to a klingon lady, for some reason I thought she was really hot.

Am I a bad person? ;_;
Tags: ,
 
 
redbeggar
09 October 2008 @ 04:26 pm
Last post was 58 weeks ago!

Things, maybe not unsurprisingly, have changed, but that's a story for another day. Inspired by Miss Merikallio's wonderful rogue chronicles, I present a day in my life, in all its hollow glory.

As ever, I am woken by fighting beagles. Chester is but 13 weeks old, yet has more life than the rest of the family combined. Eventually, he calms down and sleeps. I can't get back to sleep, even though I've had only a few hours. It's a sunny day outside already.

I get up and make coffee, then settle down to catch up on last evening's bitching from Something Awful's forums, which have become my refuge. This is my daily routine. At 9.25, it's time for the Jeremy Kyle show on tv, because hey, it's comforting to know that there are worse-off people than me.

So here sits this girl. She's thin and pale. And pregnant. The guy she *thinks* is the father is a violent thug who she finally got away from three months ago, after a fifteen month relationship. Her new boyfriend sits in the audience. Why is she here? Well, she wants to confirm the paternity of this child, and to make sure this thug behaves like a father.

Onto the stage he comes, very much your jack-the-lad type, pierced eyebrow, in a suit, grinning smugly. He's defiant, and he's not going to take any crap from Jeremy. He doesn't care about this girl or his potential child. And why is that?? Because he also has six other girls currently knocked up. His mission, he clearly states, is to populate the country.

She hates him. She's scared of him. But wait. At 3am this morning she slept with him in the hotel, while her current beau travelled to Manchester to be with her. She admits this, and seemingly doesn't care. Her new man bursts into tears in the audience and is escorted off into the wings.

Mock indignation from all ensues. Jeremy Kyle is the master of this. The thug boyfriend even threatens our host, and a thick-set security dude is brought on to keep the peace. Thug boyfriend broadens his shit-eating grin.

New boyfriend is brought out onto the stage, if this were Jerry Springer of course, these two boy would be fighting right now. Except here, they end up shaking hands and hugging. Even after old boyfriend tells new boyfriend, that if the child's his, and new boyfriend goes near it, he'll kick his ass. I guess they adhere to the International Men's Rule of "Bros Before Hoes".

The girl has told both of them that they could be the father. This happens a lot on Jeremy Kyle. Here come the DNA results. Thug boyfriend is the father. He promises to do right by the child. I doubt this somehow. More shaking hands and hugging between the two men. I sit with Chester and look despairingly at him, and think that sometimes, just sometimes, Hitler had the right ideas, just the wrong targets.

Join us on the Jeremy Kyle Show again tomorrow, for more sordid tales of Feral Rat People and Their Broken Lives. Brought to you by FoxyBingo.com.

I log into WoW and do my dailies. No chocolate cake recipe again. Ogri'la almost done. I hate killing those fifteen demons. I go to AV whilst waiting for episode three of Knight Rider to finish downloading. AV is dreadful. We're only 25 vs 37 horde. Some warrior throws a hissy fit for not going to Relief Hut with him. We're all faggots. Horde cockblock us at Frostwolf Graveyard. I afk out.

The new Knight Rider show is gloriously awful. Three episodes in and they've managed to get the female characters into their underwear or bikinis every week. Last week, the female lead had to go 'undercover' at a pool party to steal a car. This week, the sparky Asian tech-girl had to go 'undercover' at a surfer beach,because she's the only member of the gang that can surf. Not once during the episode does she surf. Mike, who can't surf, surfs.

The 2008 KITT is an incredibly sweet Mustang. Which would be awesome, except it transforms, like a transformer. Thanks a lot, Michael Bay, you vile hack. Does KITT tranform into a giant kickass robot? Of course not. He can transform into either a riced up Need For Speed version of himself, or bizarrely, a pick-up truck. If this wasn't whacky enough, he has a Star Trek style replicator in the back seat. Who knew? Not really sure *why* they even need a crime-fighting super car when they can solve world hunger with a click of a button.

KITT is voiced by none other than Val Kilmer. He sounds so happy in his work. Not. But I'm scared for him and I feel I have responsibility to watch this show about nekkid chicks and fast cars, because if it gets cancelled, he may realise what he's become and how he's wasted his career. Wiping a tear from his eye, he jams the business end of 9mm pistol in his mouth and blows the back off his skull off. I don't wanna see the Iceman do that.

Oh well, only another five days until the next episode of Heroes.

I think about writing. I write livejournal.
 
 
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: The Darling Buds - Let's Go Round There